Our Deepest Fear

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

This poem had a profound effect on me at first read.  How many times do we think we ‘don’t measure up’ or get psyched out by an opponent or monumental task?  On the surface it may feel like we’ll fail, in fact it almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when we dwell on it, but that is really nothing more than lack of confidence in our true abilities.  If we work too hard or we dig too deep then we may very well become what we aspire to be.  That is scary in itself, because what exists after the goal is achieved?  Does that just perpetuate another goal or does that leave us feeling like we hadn’t thought and that we can’t accept that accomplishment and the hard work in reaching that goal?  Do we just raise the bar again?  As we begin to achieve, accept and take joy in that, we inspire others around us to take hold of their fears and to spread confidence that ‘I too can do that’ with the correct preparation, mindset and persistence.  We can hide in darkness, where as, in the light, everyone will see us for what we are.  We are bigger, better and stronger than we give ourselves credit for and by not living up to that potential, we squander what is naturally and spiritually bestowed upon us.  We’re continuously conditioned to live in a state of fear and self-reflection on weaknesses, coupled with insurmountable challenges and a society that forever expects more and more of every one of us.  But nobody puts more pressure on us than the little voice inside our heads.  If we succeed beyond what we ever imagined, then what do we look forward to?  Do we then act the authority on the matter and become the aspirational model.  Yes, that is exactly right.  The benchmark is set and the hard work required to achieve that.  If it were easy, everyone would do it and the credibility would lessen.  The shear ‘going for it’ whole heartedly is the mentality of success.  Failure only comes in the lack of trying.

Providence 70.3 Course Preview

Took the trip down to the Providence course this past Sunday.  The main objective was to get in the open water, finally, and also to get a glimpse of the setting and the first few miles on the bike course. Nancy joined me for the swim and part of the bike ride.  It will be her first half, so she was also anxious to see what the course had to offer.  She's going to be great on race day.

The swim was really nice.  The water is relatively warm, not clear but seemed to be pretty clean. Nice and calm, as well.  I think the swim will be enjoyable at the race.  After that, it gets a little hairy.  The first 12 miles of the course consist of about 900+ feet of elevation gain.  Not horrendously bad, the majority of that being rolling hills, but much more than originally anticipated.  The publicized course states that the total elevation gain is just under 1400 feet with the majority of that being slam in the middle between miles 20 and 40.  Well, looks like they may have underestimated that by half.  However, no importante when racing with power.  A quick turn back at 12 miles or so and a speedy ride back into Lincoln Woods to start the AeT walk/run work.  It was hot!  The little hills around the lake were challenging, with quick ups and downs.  Finished out 45 minutes at just under 8:00 pace. 

Pretty gassed.  This weekend has reveled some cumulative fatigue that is finally taking it’s toll.  The ride Saturday and yesterday sapped me of all my power and after 5:30 of riding within 24 hours, I was fairly well fatigued for this run.  Couple that with relatively strong sun and heat, it made for a challenging couple days.

Race day will be a different story, though.  Remembering back to Timberman 2009, Joey and I went up to Ellacoya park to preview that course.  Granted the bike was a bit longer and harder that day, but I felt even worse on the run with similar environmental conditions.  I raced well and am confident that with a good taper and nutrition for the next four weeks, we will be in a good place to race on July 8. Looking forward to race day.

The Human Machine

The last several weeks I’ve been experimenting with tweaks to nutrition, lifestyle and daily habits to investigate the benefits of certain personal best practices that have yielded results, both with athletes of all kind, as well as non-athletes going about their day.

Let us summarize some of the changes:

Nutritional:

·  Last two weeks, significantly reduced, near eliminated, beer / alcohol intake

·  Last two weeks, substantial increase in vegetables and plant-based products (reduced meats)

·  No red meat

Lifestyle:

·   Sleep improvement.  More structured routine has improved sleep duration and quality

·   Standing workstation at the office (improved posture and core engagement)

Training / Physical:

·   Core, Core, Core!!!

·   30 minute massage every 2-4 weeks

·   Bi/Monthly chiropractic appointment

·   Focused run form: posture, cadence, posterior chain engagement

·   ~12-15 hours a week of multisport and functional strength training

As a result, I’m feeling the best I’ve felt in years, if not ever.  It’s way too early to tell to what extent each of these elements have played in my overall improvement in feel, but I’ve definitely noticed the change.  I’ve experienced a surge in power, vitality and overall well being.

The experiment continues.  More to come…

You know you’ve beasted out an FTP session when…

11.  Your legs burn like you have hydrochloric acid in the veins

10.  You drip sweat more AFTER the shower than you did during the effort

9.    You try to pedal your car at 100 rpm.

8.    You drink your iced coffee from a water bottle

7.    Chamois butter is your new lotion of choice

6.    Even after, you look at your wrist every few seconds to check your Heart Rate.

5.    You smell like a sewer rat in the dead heat of summer

4.    The puddle under your trainer actually looks refreshing

3.    Seeing anything with two wheels makes you want to puke.

2.    You contemplate a trip to the dentist for a drill as being the better option

1.    You wonder how 1 minute of suffering can feel as long as an hour of pleasure.

Comment for additions...

6-Week Countdown to Providence

This Sunday is the 6-week countdown to Providence Half-Iron.  Since the focus has been mainly on the full Iron, this is much less intimidating to me than it has been in the past, coupled with a very well planned and paced Timberman in 2009.  The difference is that this time I haven’t been controlling my program, so it’s been more difficult for me to see the forest through the trees.  I’m trusting in the process and am confident that I will be completely prepared to race pretty hard, but not used to being dependent on someone to package everything so that the race is optimal.   We’ve thrown around the concept of a sub 5:00 effort, which is very doable if I can race at full potential that day.  My ultimate goal will be to have a well-paced race that is optimal for the day and level of fitness leading into the longer goal of IMFL.  Part of racing optimally is getting down to race weight.  I have some pretty solid numbers on both swim and bike, but my weight is 10-15lbs too heavy for what I call my race weight.  The poundage has stayed pretty consistent throughout the last several months of training which tells me a few things.  Since my body composition is definitely changing, I’m replacing body fat with some additional musculature from swimming and bike riding.  I happen to be a ‘gainer’, so looking at a weight grows a muscle; in this case, endurance training has maintained and enhanced some of that musculature.  The next 6 weeks will have an additional focus on cleaning up the diet.  That combined with a few race rehearsals and open water swims will be just about the ticket to getting to Providence and having a chance at a solid race.  Looking forward to the race, as both a stepping stone to IM, but also as a good opportunity to blow up a PR at my favorite race distance (so far).  The excitement builds…

185 Pounds of Diesel V-Power

Top end speed and power has always been my wheel house to work out of.  Those 20 odd years of playing hockey and spending time in the gym have contributed to the development and enhancement of fast twitch muscle fibers, i.e. a sprinter, power lifter, or anything utilizing the anaerobic muscular system.  This allows me to be very effective at dropping the hammer for short periods of time and blowing the HR up into the 200bpm range, just can’t do that very long.  So what we have is a powerful, muscular, short-distance athlete trying to transform into a lean, aerobic, long-distance endurance athlete that is capable of holding moderate activity all day.  This is doable, but it takes a long time.  Like I’ve posted before, we’re doing lots of things to change the type of muscles we recruit and build by extending durations of moderate activity and doing things like focusing on high cadences and functional strength exercises.  All definitely helping move in the right direction, but we’re not transformed just yet.  So while we wait for such a transformation to occur, let us embrace the heavy beast.  The 185 lbs of diesel engine that plows through the water like a tug boat, barrels down hills and provides a perfect draft for anyone trying to grab a break and practically comes to a screeching halt on any elevation grade of more than 1.0%, has learned to make it hurt.  It has to hurt to cart around this much extra muscle weight all over the place.  The system is powered by two Panzer pistons, two massive propeller arms and a barrel-chested core; hardly aerodynamic.  I guess instead of the Ferrari, you could compare this to a Hummer that has slowly transitioned to an un-sleek suped up diesel pick-up truck.  If there were a Clydesdale category, I believe I would try to gain some weight and podium that group.  Since that doesn’t work, we’ll have to take out the skinny little men in the wake of the tug.

CRW Spring Century 2012

The annual CRW Spring Century took place yesterday leaving from the Wakefield Vocational Technical High School.  It was a warm, but beautiful spring day.  Extremely low humidity and perfect blue skies.  Met up with Matt first thing, planning for an 8:00 departure.  Wheels up at 8:00 and off to New Hampshire and back.  Robin, Sue’s long time friend, joined us for the first 30 or so as she was undertaking the metric century.  We averaged in the 19.0 mph range for the first hour or so, then amped it up.  By the third hour we were cruising at just over 20 mph. 

Matt is a beast!  He pounded the pedals and I worked to stay right there with him.  We traded some pulls, but he led the way, most of the way.  Power was slightly higher than expected from the start, but HR was mostly behaved throughout the morning.  We latched on to a few groups here and there for some recovery and the pace continued to be pretty high.  Onward we pressed, passing everyone, being passed by no one.  Felt really good to go at a good pace with a specific end goal in mind.  At hour 3, I was confident that I wanted to break the 5:00 mark for the 100.

We stopped at the mile 50 and 79 rest stops to fill up the bottles and get a quick snack.  Then away we went back at it, the two us, soldiering on.  Was fun to work together and Matt is so steady it’s very easy to ride with him. 

At mile 65 or so, I started to feel a little tweak in the knee that began somewhere in the quad.  It became a problem as I continued fatiguing and keeping up with the pacing.  Power began to decline and then eventually pace.  Matt finally decided enough was enough and dropped me around 95.  At this point, it was hot, I didn’t have a whole lot left, but I knew I still wanted the sub 5:00.  Sure enough, 100 came and went at around 4:58 of ride time.  Really happy about that!  The last 5-10 were a bit of a grind and ended up with 105 miles on 5:15.  That’s my longest ride ever.  All in, pretty happy with the effort.  Matt seemed to be happy, as well.  Overall, normalized power of 231W which exceeded expectations.

The aftermath has not been too bad.  Iced a little afterward and fell asleep quickly, before 9:00.  I was up early and ready for a nice session at the pool.  Looking forward to building this riding base and know all the hard work is paying off.  Still, running a marathon after that seems extremely daunting.  It’s far…but, we’ll get there.